Feel the Burn

I am the best athlete ever.

I have visions of myself at the gym, running on the treadmill.  Properly using the machine.  Taking a class without laughing at myself and being asked to leave (which did happen once when I was living in Los Angeles).  There are more visions -- hot yoga.  Running in the neighborhood.  Participating in one of those mud competitions, where you get beer at the end.

Maybe I should rewrite that sentence up there.  I am the best athlete ever in my head.

I am lazy and uncoordinated.  Easily intimidated, and I don't like being around a lot of people. We have a membership at the YMCA in our neighborhood.  It's maybe 2 miles away, an easy bike ride.  During the summer, I am there every day because the boys have swim team.  It's the perfect excuse to work out, while they're swimming.  Only I don't work out.  I drop them off and go back home.  I'm really looking forward to this summer because they will be 11 and 13 and can ride their bikes to practice.

The Y offers several different classes, and sometimes I look at the schedule and think, "oh I could do that class." And a few years ago (okay, several years ago) I did take some aerobics classes.  I even got to the point where I was going twice a week and I was on time.  I stayed in the back and was a little slower than the rest of the class, but I went. And because I didn't immediately look like a super model, or my friend Shawn, I quit going.  So far, though, I haven't gone because when I go, I will see people I know and they will know the routine and will be better.  Which I know is the lamest excuse ever.  Have I mentioned I'm lazy?

There's a Y near Shane's school.  I could drop him off and go work out.  Or, since I drive the afternoon car pool, I could work out before picking them up.  I don't know anyone at that Y, so wouldn't have the lame idea of people laughing at me in my head.  My neighbors Jane and Phyllis walk every morning.  We have a nice 3-mile loop that takes about an hour.  I almost never go with them, even though Jane calls me every day to ask.

What the hell is wrong with me?  Is it really that hard to get off my ever-increasing ass off the couch and go to the gym?  Apparently.

I think I need professional help.

Sleep Talking

Shane talks in his sleep.  Like,  a lot.

The first time, that I remember, he was 2.  We were staying at a lakeside cabin and he was sleeping in our room with us (it was a really small cabin).  As we were getting ready for bed, I was looking at Shane, so peaceful and snuggly in the huge bed.  Out of nowhere he sat up, smiled and said "CHEESE!"

(He also had a bout of night terrors that lasted about 10 years, but this is about what he says when he's sleeping.)

Now he's 12.  And he talks but it's a little racier, language-wise.  Most of the time we can't understand what he says (hence the "mumble" below), but three talks are in the bank and are, really, just awesome.  And hilarious.  Especially the last one (just wait!).  Here they are, in a random order since I can only remember when the last one happened since it was just last week:

Number 3 - After dinner with friends who have a very energetic puppy.  "Mumble mumble mumble fucking dog mumble mumble"

Um, hello?  Where did we learn words like that?

Number 2 - In Orlando for the weekend, all 4 of us in the same room.  "Mumble mumble" and then he yelled "shut the fuck up!" and more mumbling.

There's that word again.  Fortunately I've only heard it twice.  I know it's not a nice word, and really I don't like to swear in public, but without the F word, it's not the same.  Please be assured you won't be reading the F word anymore, unless I write more later about what he says in his sleep.

Number 1 - this just happened last week.  Shane wandered into our room in the middle of the night and climbed in bed with us.  "Mumble mumble leave me alone mumble." A little later, "mumble I KNOW" kind of loud, followed by "well what about this" and then, and I swear I am not making this up, he farted.  For real.  A real, live, fart followed immediately after "well what about this."

I am still laughing about that one.

Andrew doesn't talk in his sleep.  He snores.

I love my boys so much, and I love that they have no idea I have a blog.

Thank god that's over

I'm getting all organized since it's January.  New Calendars all over the place.  I have one that I write in every day and I'm amazed I still have it since I lose everything.  Well, maybe not lose.  Misplace and can never find again is better.

I'll be organized for about a week.