Shane graduated from 8th grade last week. Yes, "graduated" from EIGHTH grade. I know, stupid. Only, not so much.
The school the boys attend stops at 8th grade, so leaving can be a bog deal, especially for the students who have been there since kindergarten (or before). They go all out, caps and gowns, diplomas, a dinner after with a DJ and photo booth. The girls wear pretty dresses and look 25; the boys wear dress pants and ties and look like dorks.
As family members attending the graduation, we are supposed to dress nicely so as to not embarrass our graduate. Brian wore a suit. He had showered that morning, so all he had to do was change his clothes. It took him maybe ten minutes to get ready and that included helping two boys tie their ties.
It took me longer than ten minutes. That morning, I got dressed and make Andrew's lunch then drove him to school. I met a girlfriend and we went to get coffee and pedicures, then went to two different stores looking for dress pants for Andrew. Which I would have to hem with stitch witchery when he got home because everything is too long on him. When I got home I showed Brian the pants I bought and he said, "I have some he can wear, but you will have to hem them." Seriously?? We could have gotten manicures too but no, I had to find pants for Andrew. That were at home the whole time. Men.
I showered for the second time that week (don't think that's gross, you've done it too) and started with the makeup. I don't wear makeup often so it's always a production and it never ends well. I had to remove and reapply mascara because the first batch was too clumpy. Which meant lotion, primer, under-eye brightener, concealer, the eyelash curler, and eyelash primer. Good lord.
So, the biggest issues for men are to pick out a tie that matches the suit, and to not wear too much awful cologne. Oh, and maybe not white socks.
Women need to do their hair with at least two round brushes and product and a curling iron or flat iron. Oh, and hairspray. We need makeup - lotion, primer, concealer, powder, lip stuff... probably more but I don't know. Then a bra that matches the underwear and can be concealed under the dress. And the dress. And flawed-in-our-eyes-body-parts-containment garments. And shoes. Matching shoes. And jewelry. Not just the wedding rings, either. Earrings, a bracelet or two, a necklace, and a watch and I'm sure I'm forgetting something. And a purse. And oh my god really? All to sit in a church for a 90-minute ceremony that doesn't really mean anything? It's not like he's going to college in the fall.
